On the surface, my life looked perfect. I had a great job, was healthy, worked out regularly, meditated often, and was surrounded by amazing friends (still am!). I was purpose-driven, knowing since childhood that I wanted to help others. But despite all this, something was missing. A deep inner knowing and a persistent emptiness haunted me—a sense that there was more to my life and purpose.
At 19, I began my spiritual development and meditation journey, which became a constant and priority in my life. I convinced myself that my work made a difference and fulfilled my purpose, but deep down, I was searching for something more. A connection. Significance. Love. To feel valued and appreciated. Yet, I sought these feelings in all the wrong places:

• Through helping others, sometimes at the expense of myself: This made me feel worthy and appreciated.
• Through nightlife and partying: An escape from boredom and inner emptiness.
• Through addictions like smoking.
• Through romantic relationships: Attracting emotionally abusive dynamics.
• Through career achievements.
• Through the validation and opinions of others.

I lived with two opposing forces within me—the "angel" and the "devil." One part of me embodied strength, values, and great qualities, while the other self-sabotaged, making impulsive choices to meet needs immediately at all costs. This inner conflict created a huge gap between the version of myself I was being and the version I deeply aspired to become.
Despite moments of happiness and gratitude, particularly with my family, friends, and career, I often felt like a duck—calmly gliding on the surface while frantically paddling beneath the water. I worked hard, striving for success, yet found myself stuck in repetitive cycles, feeling unfulfilled and unsure how to break free. Can you relate to this feeling—outward contentment masking inner turmoil?